Nola L. Kelsey

About Nola L. Kelsey

Zoologist turned satirist Nola L. Kelsey is the author of the scathingly wicked satire Bitch Unleashed: The Harsh Realities of Goin’ Country and coauthor of the twisted political satire Keeping the Masses Down. Her newsletter, Nomadic Muse, tracks Kelsey’s escape from South Dakota normality to her life as a shoestring backpacker in SE Asia. More excerpts from Bitch Unleashed and subscriptions to Nomadic Muse are available at http://www.NolaKelsey.com

Field Notes on Country Linguistics

As Suzy stammered, my ears perked up. For distraction I called out, “Hey Kathy, put on another pot of coffee.” Suzy spoke again. The fact is, gouging my own eyes out with a ketchup bottle would not have distracted me.
Date Posted: December 19, 2005

Country Lawn Maintenance - 10 Tips to Know Before You Mow

Practical survival skills should be fifty percent of what we study in school! Languishing twelve to sixteen years in the bowels of our education system should not leave American citizens unprepared to cope with perpetually running toilets.
Date Posted: December 19, 2005

Serengeti Safari - Memories of Miscommunications

The scene before me could be matched nowhere else on earth. Parched yellow grass spread out before us as far as the eye could see - broken only by the occasional umbrella tree and a few hundred thousand migrating wildebeest forming a dusty, thin...
Date Posted: December 12, 2005

Rural Relocation – Considerations and Adjustments

So you’re thinking about going country? It’s time to abandon the frenzy of city life, drop the ‘G’ from the end of your verbs and trade your Gucci for goats.
Date Posted: December 10, 2005

Clothesline Fresh – Country Myth Breaker # 17

Clothesline fresh, country fresh scent, smells like a country garden, those of us from the city have all seen our share of country clad laundry soap commercials. The token red barn glows in the distance. Closer in, clothes adorn the line.
Date Posted: December 06, 2005

Great Pyrenees Grooming Tips - Special Techniques for Large Breed Dogs

Large breed dogs pose special grooming dilemmas. The Great Pyrenees and other Bernard family members have cornered the market on that special combination of girth and hair.
Date Posted: December 05, 2005

Chicken Rearing 101 - How Not to Raise Chickens

Chick: A hatchlingCapon: A castrated male used for meat. (How much could that yield?)Pullet: A female chicken under one year old. Hen: A female chicken over one year of age Rooster: A male chicken over one year of age.Raising Chickens for the first...
Date Posted: December 02, 2005

Bat Ejection Techniques – Country Survival Course #27

People lie! They lie about the bliss of rural relocation. They lie about the size of fish they catch. They lie about being there for you. But, mostly, they lie about bats! Such a silly thing, yet no one can admit the ugly truth.
Date Posted: November 21, 2005

The Perks of Global Warming

Marya Mannes once wrote, “The earth we abuse and the living things we kill will, in the end, take their revenge; for in exploiting their presence we are diminishing our future.” Obviously Ms.
Date Posted: November 21, 2005

Milk Goats - Know Thy Enemy

Patience may be a virtue, but laughter is the only way to survive goat milking. You can strive for the perfect fencing. You must aim for good nutrition. But, don’t kid yourself. When it comes to milking, you do not get the last word.
Date Posted: November 14, 2005
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