There's a myth that men don't respect women who like sex, however, most emotionally healthy men want a partner who enjoys sex, as this helps the guy feel comfortable with his own sexuality. Sex is one of the only ways many men express their vulnerability with women, so if a woman acts like she doesn't like sex, it makes the guy feel wrong, bad, dirty and embarrased. Complaints from men include the following kind of comments made by women, derogatory comments about sex, acting embarrassed when talking about sex, frequently resisiting making love, being critical of their husband or boyfriend when he expresses his sexuality, and having a 'let's get it over with' attitude, or act as if sex is something to endure.

A Psycho-Sexual Therapist friend of mine told me about a couple who came to her for marital counselling, and the husband complained to her that his wife didn't like sex. My therapist friend asked the husband to leave the room so she and the wife could talk in private. The wife confided that it was true, and that she did avoid having sex with her husband, but it wasn't because she didn't like sex, in fact, she said she loved sex, she just didn't like it with him!

The therapist then asked her 'Would you enjoy sex more if your partner made love to you differently?' The wife answered 'yes'. So it was suggested that she talk to her husband about their sex life, expressing her desires and needs.

Another possible reason for the wife not wanting to have sex with her husband could have been due to the build up of emotional tension in the relationship. Things like suppressed anger, resentment and mistrust will eventually kill the passion between husband and wives/boyfriends and girlfriends. Usually, by working on the emotional relationship, the sexual relationship will begin to heal. When women are upset, the last thing they want to do is have sex,they have a difficult time feeling sexual when they aren't feeling emotioanlly safe. Yet this seems to be different for men. They seem to think that having sex will heal the upset. So it's important to understand that men use sex almost like a language to communicate their unspoken emotions. At times, it's the only accepatable way some men allow themselves to feel anything at all.

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