It used to be very common for me to get women on IM, then on the phone, and then meet. And although I still do that sometimes, I've gotten to the point where it is completely optional. I know that talking on the phone, although good practice, is just an extra step. If she's interested then chances are she's okay with just exchanging a few emails or chatting on IM before meeting. This is technology working in your favor.

One myth which has propagated is that talking on the phone is a good way to prevent flaking, as it allows her to hear your voice. But believe me, if she is the kind of woman that doesn't like to drag things out (one of the criteria my potential partner must have), then meeting directly is very congruent with that. Ultimately everything happens on the meeting anyway, so bridging to that in the most direct way is ideal.

I have a friend on Lavalife who, in his first message to a girl, asks her if she wants to meet for coffee. Forget building her comfort first. Either she is interested or she isn't. An even more interesting fact, he meets roughly the same number of girls I used to per messages sent, back in the day when I did the IM/phone combo.

If you're okay with it, then there is a much better chance that she will be also. It has to do with how comfortable you are, and how normal you are.

Copyright © 2007 Vittorio Norman

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