There used to be a thing called the women's film. These were movies starring
actresses that dealt with women's issues, that were made for an almost
exclusively female audience and that starred powerhouses such as Bette
Davis, Rosalind Russell, Joan Crawford and Katharine Hepburn.

But then in the sixties, women started entering the work place in huge
numbers, and so they weren't around during the day to pack the matinees. And
lo and behold, no one went to women's movies when they played at night. So
they stopped being made.

Today the biggest movies are men's movies -- men's genre films starring men.
The biggest box office stars are men. The top ten are all men. When you get
around to 15 or 16, you might run into Julia Roberts.

The reason for this is that when women want to see the new Kathy Bates movie
and men want to see the new Stone Cold Steve Austin movie, the men win. No,
not every time, but enough for Stone Cold Steve Austin movies to keep
getting made and for Kathy Bates movies to more or less disappear.

It's for this reason that I've come to take no solace whenever I hear my
candidate is ahead in the female vote. I've been observing this for years:
The gender gap always exists two or three weeks before an election. But that
gender gap always closes -- and it never closes with men coming to vote like
the women. It closes, always, always, with women deciding that Kerry (or
Gore) really is creepy and George W. Bush has a nice smile and clearly loves
his wife.

For this reason I take no comfort in the initial polls out of Ohio, which
show Clinton with a huge lead over what's-his-name, and with a 30 point lead
among women. Because I know this is how it always starts.

For the next three weeks, a lot of idiot thug husbands will be asking their
wives, "Why do you want to vote for that bitch for?" And miraculously, a day
or two before the election, ten or fifteen percent of these women are going
to suddenly see the light. And they'll get to feel good about themselves,
too. Instead of being in conflict with their husbands, they'll get to think
of themselves as one of the Reasonable women, who can think for
themselves -- i.e., agree with Daddy. It happens over and over.

That's why single women are so important in an election, because there are
no beer drinking slobs in their lives, scratching themselves and passing
wind and handing out electoral advice. But single women don't vote in big
numbers. I sure hope they do this time.

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