A friend posed a question to me a few days ago that I found very thought-provoking. How has the availability of the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra affected marriages and monogamous relationships? The question came from a man who has no virility issues, so please leave assumptions at the door as we explore this topic. The question itself is insightful, but since Viagra is relatively new (first introduced in 1998), the answer is currently unknown.

What we do know is that Viagra can help grandma and grandpa continue to reap the physical pleasures of sex by ensuring that grandpa’s physical impairment won’t get in the way of opportunities for sexual fulfillment. Sexual fulfillment and sexual growth don’t have to end at a preset age. But, as my friend put it, what if grandpa starts taking Viagra and begins thinking that he does not have to be with “this old bag” and starts to seek younger, hotter stuff?

Although there have been reports that a divorce ensued as a result of a woman not wanting to have sex with her husband once he began taking Viagra, the drug itself did not cause the divorce. The underlying problem had to be that neither the wife nor the husband was willing to compromise on what mattered to the other. The wife was content with the other things marriage provided and had accepted that the couple’s sex life was over. On the other hand, the husband changed into someone his wife was not willing to accept who demanded sex all the time. He had found himself a miracle youth drug and wanted to begin sexing as frequently as he could.

My take on the social implications of taking Viagra is based on the knowledge that Viagra addresses only the physical aspect of a man’s ability to have sex. Viagra causes better blood circulation to a man’s penis and, as a result, he can obtain and sustain an erection. That is all that Viagra does. Viagra does not increase a man’s desire to have sex and it doesn’t cause him to desire his partner more. Neither does Viagra cause a man to seek additional partners and commit adultery. Viagra merely gives a man the ability to act on whatever sexual desires he already has within him.

>From this woman’s perspective, the most trivial of all things considered when it comes to relationship and sexual fulfillment is a man’s physical ability to sustain an erection versus his ability to touch and excite a woman on other levels. A woman is not necessarily left “hanging” because a man cannot “keep it up” for extended periods of time or because he can’t bring her into multiple orgasmic outbursts. In fact, looking for such physical sexual responses in women like how long it takes her to reach orgasm, how wet she becomes (as compared to another’s wetness) or counting her orgasms will lead to a false understanding of her sexual pleasure. Aside from knowing a woman’s sexual pulse, good sex encompasses knowing when, where and which lips to kiss, how to caress her breasts at just the right moment, when to gaze into her eyes, and when tugging gently at her hair provides her a sexually stimulating sensation. To know these things, a man has to accurately read that particular woman’s sexual responses. Viagra does not give a man this sexual rhythm, cannot cause a man to be interested in “knowing” a woman, and cannot help a man grow into the person that can fulfill these other physical pieces of lovemaking.

Sexual fulfillment and growth come most often to those who can form a bond with their partner – the bond of trusting another to know about your private, personal, and raw nakedness, both physical and emotional nakedness. Men have also stated that they enjoy sex most when it is with someone they care about and have formed a special bond of trust. Loftus, Bancroft and Long indicated the best predictors of a woman’s sexual distress in the survey “Distress about sex: a national survey of women in heterosexual relationships.” According to their findings, one of the best predictors of a woman’s sexual distress is her emotional relationship with the partner during sexual activity. Viagra cannot help a man grow into a trustworthy person capable of fulfilling a woman’s emotional cravings. Equally, Viagra cannot cause a man to become untrustworthy leading possibly to a divorce.

The strongest unions, and therefore, the strongest emotional bonds are formed by those committed to each other in monogamous relationships such as marriage where trust is already a key factor. Marriage and other monogamous relationships should cause sexual fulfillment and sexual growth to thrive absent physical incapabilities. Because Viagra is merely a medicine that fixes a physical impairment, I do not believe that Viagra can cause damage to such relationships and I do not believe that it can cause an increase in divorces where there was not already a problem. Viagra may help to expose other problems, such as lack of true appreciation for one’s partner, dishonesty in dealing with one’s partner over the years, sexual greed and a lack of respect for the relationship. But, these problems indicate poor character in the first place and cannot be blamed on Viagra. These problems may have been suppressed until Viagra came along, but suppressing feelings goes straight to honesty.

Viagra alone should not cause a rise in divorce nor cause couples to breakup. Viagra might, however, swell up and expose hidden character flaws in addition to the swelling up of the penis. Optimistically, Viagra ought to cause couples dealing with sexual dysfunction to overcome that obstacle.

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