1. Commitment
True commitment means much more than simply committing to staying married.
Here's one of my favorite quotes about marriage: "When you marry, you don't
marry one person, you marry three: The person you think he is; the person he
really is; and the person he is going to become as a result of marrying
you."

Key strategy: Genuine commitment involves being committed to the growth and
best interest of your partner. Or as one wise married person said to me,
"What's good for my partner, is good for me."

2. Teamwork
There was once a couple who went by the name of Mr. Neat and Ms. Clean. Mr.
Neat could bathe in a shower full of soap scum and not mind at all as long
as the towels and soap were neat and in their place. Ms. Clean could have
piles and piles of stuff scattered everywhere, as long as the piles were
clean. This couple can have either a very neat and clean home or a real mess
on their hands, depending on their ability to work together as a team.

Key strategy: Use the five most important words in marriage: "Let's try it
your way."

3. Communication
Without exception, every couple I have ever worked with struggles with
effective communication. Part of the reason is that two people with the
exact same communication style rarely marry each other. Because of this
factor, we oftentimes misunderstand what the other person is saying and then
react to what we think we have heard.

Key strategy: Use the 10 most important words in marriage-"Let me see if I
get what you are saying."

4. Meeting emotional needs
In the same way that two people with the same communication style rarely
marry each other, spouses rarely have the same emotional needs. What happens
is that each of us give what we would most like to get, but the other person
may not want that at all.

Key strategy: Discover and then meet the emotional needs of your partner.
How? Simple. Just ask!

5. Resolving conflict
Conflict in marriage is inevitable. Fighting is optional. For some folks
that's a revolutionary idea. The bottom line is that many times in marriage
you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy, but you can't be
both.

Key strategy: Stay away from "my way" or "your way" battles. Focus on "our
way" solutions, or as Stephen Covey says, "win-win" solutions.

6. Apology & forgiveness
"Love means never having to say you're sorry" the theme from the movie "Love
Story" has just one problem-one person died and the couple didn't get to see
the long-term damage of never saying you're sorry.

Key strategy: On a regular basis, practice the three A's of successful
relationships: Apologize for something from the past, appreciate something
in the present and anticipate something in the future.

7. Creating a relationship vision
Most couples spend more time planning a three-day getaway than they do
planning what kind of marriage they would like to have. Vision has been
defined as "the ability to see beyond the probable by envisioning the
possible : the act of dreaming without restriction opens up possibilities
that you could not have considered before : "

Key strategy: Ask yourself and each other this question-"If we knew we
couldn't fail, and we could design our relationship any way that we wanted
it, how would we like it to be?"

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