In simpler times, a high school ring was all it took to signal the start of
a relationship. And when the breakup came, who would know or care if one
tucked away a few mementos?

All that has changed in the digital era, in which millions of people
chronicle the real-time, intimate details of their lives on social
networking Web sites like Facebook.com. Dating may be no more or less
complex than ever, but because gossip about who's got a new boyfriend or
girlfriend -- and who just lost one -- now travels instantaneously to a
large network of contacts, a new relationship minefield has emerged.

Take Nicholas Goodness, who hadn't posted his relationship status on his
Facebook profile. Then a relationship ended and he decided to declare
himself "single." The 26-year-old changed his mind a few months later and
removed that reference, but Facebook's automated update system presumed that
something big had happened. So it broadcast an alert to all his online
friends that Goodness was "no longer single."

"Then everyone started messaging me again to see if I was back in a
relationship," said Goodness, who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y. He clarified his
status to his curious friends and posted a message on his profile that he
was "not not single." He later ran into his ex, who admitted seeing his
Facebook page and asked if he was dating someone new.

"Facebook assumes too much," Goodness said.

Online profiles can be an imprecise reflection of real life, and the world
of romance amplifies the inability of networking sites to capture emotional
nuance. Facebook's profile template lets members choose from six
relationship statuses. Aside from the cheeky "it's complicated" option,
there's no way to convey the complications of determining what qualifies as
a relationship.

Yet the designs of these sites and the culture of users demand easy
categorizations and immediate news feeds whenever something seemingly
significant transpires.

Trish McDermott, a founder of online dating community Engage.com, said she's
heard many stories about people learning their relationships had ended
because their partners changed statuses back to "single."

"As singles migrate online, they're newbies in terms of dating protocol and
etiquette," said McDermott, who helped launch dating site Match.com and
worked there for a decade. "We are the pioneers. ... Our parents and
grandparents are not sitting us down and saying, 'This is how you date
online.'"

For those users who are confident they are "in a relationship," deciding
whether and how to signal it online can be hairy. Facebook, the
fastest-growing social networking site, allows members to name their partner
and link to their profile, which requires verification from the other
person.

Christine Lin of Naperville received a notification to confirm her new
relationship days after she and her current boyfriend decided to start
dating. Lin stalled.

"The biggest thing for me was that I hadn't been able to tell my friends
yet," said Lin, 24. "My sister was in Europe and I didn't want her to find
out over Facebook, so I kind of ignored the request for two days, and
finally I talked to him about it."

Lin's boyfriend agreeably canceled the request. Months later, both of them
changed their statuses to acknowledge the relationship.

Social networking sites don't require users to declare their relationship
status, but it's commonly done. MySpace .com notably offers "swinger" as a
category.

Reconciling real-life drama and online interaction was difficult for Suzelle
Tempero, who recently erased her Facebook profile to avoid the aftermath of
her brother's breakup. In response to his updated "single" status, his
ex-girlfriend posted a comment on his "wall," or public message board,
announcing that she had taken down all online photos of him. She also sent
Tempero private messages through Facebook, trying to reach her brother.

"My Facebook life was getting a little crazy and I was evaluating whether or
not I really wanted to be online," said Tempero, 26, of Chicago.

Tempero said achieving closure on past relationships is harder since her
high school days, when catharsis consisted of dumping sentimental items in a
"boyfriend box." In the privacy of a home, someone could still display a
photo. But an online remnant -- say, removing all pictures of an ex from a
profile but one -- stays public and ignites speculation: Does it signal
unrequited love?

"People just don't realize how 'out there' it is," Tempero said. "Somehow
the filter gets removed and I think it does make relationships complicated.
It takes stuff between two people that you worked out on your own, and maybe
you'd turn to one friend and say 'we're struggling,' and makes it public."

McDermott's advice is to remember that relationships involve people, not
machines. Strange as that sounds, Engage.com conducted a survey of more than
600 single adults in the U.S. and found 21 percent said it was OK to say "I
love you" for the first time in an e-mail or text message. Only 12 percent
said it was acceptable to break up electronically.

But since this is Valentine's Day, let's acknowledge that it's not all
misunderstandings and heartache.

J.V. Loperfido, 25, received a Facebook greeting from a fellow graduate
student at the University of Iowa. Months of casual messages led to a dinner
date. Two and a half years later, Loperfido and his girlfriend are living
together -- and their profiles are linked on the site.

"Both of us are very surprised that it turned into a relationship," he said.
"We didn't have any expectations."

Article Source: http://www.articleset.com