Dating Red Flag #9: Mistreats People in Social Situations

A common dating problem, and a major warning sign, is when your partner acts one way with you, but behaves very differently around others.

Example situation

John and Mary have been dating for some time now. They like each other a lot, but there is something wrong. Mary is always nice, gentle and forgiving whenever she’s alone with John. In public, however, she argues with everyone else. She’s always dismissive with waiters when she and John are on dates; she’s hostile with other drivers when she’s behind the wheel; and, she’s contemptuous of people she regards as her inferiors. She’s very unpleasant, to say the least, to everyone. Everyone but John. Why is this is a dating problem for John? After all, Mary is a pussycat with him. You might think that John has just managed to “tame the beast” in her. Maybe they really can live together and have a wonderful long-time relationship. You could think that, but time after time you’d be wrong.

What does this behavior mean for the relationship?

Dating a person like Mary is like living with Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Your partner is polite and considerate towards you, but he's hostile and aggressive at the football game. Or he waves vulgarities at other drivers. Or, he belittles wait staff for even the slightest goof. It seems as if there are two people in one body. Unfortunately, the good half of the person never overcomes the bad half.The dating problems you are experiencing are only the beginning. What is a little annoyance on a date can be a real problem when you become a long term couple.

Wonderful at first, terrible later

Your partner’s underlying personality is probably angry, hostile, and condescending. He's just on his best behavior to win you over. He's a phony. If you don’t end this relationship, sooner or later your partner won't need to impress you anymore. As the two of you become more like family, he will treat you just as poorly as he does everyone else. Your dating problems with your partner’s yelling at the waiter will soon evolve into your partner’s yelling at you.

You don't have to put up with that. Rudeness to others will become rudeness to you. It’s more than a dating problem. You should recognize this as a dating red flag and keep looking. How he treats friends, family, and even strangers, is how he will eventually treat you. Throw this fish back and keep trolling.

Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

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