I am a pretty easygoing guy, I think. Usually anybody can talk to me about
just about anything, even something borderline offensive, and I can just
brush it off with no problem. But I swear, if one more person in this world
asks me when I am going to get married, I am going to explode.

I am a pretty easygoing guy, I think. Usually anybody can talk to me about
just about anything, even something borderline offensive, and I can just
brush it off with no problem. But I swear, if one more person in this world
asks me when I am going to get married, I am going to explode.

Can I get an amen from the congregation? Because I know there are countless
handfuls of co-eds here on campus applauding the way I feel. All of you know
what I am talking about: the nauseating, wretched persecution that we as
single students deal with day after day after day after day is pushing me to
the point where I am about to declare myself single for life and tattoo it
to my forehead so I don't get any more stupid questions.

It is ridiculous that every time I call home, every time I start up a
conversation with someone on campus, and every time I talk to one of my
aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, sisters, brothers-in-law, best
buddies, baby nieces, puppies, or imaginary friends, the first thing they
want to know is when they can be expecting a new member of the family, who's
my next lucky prospect, or how soon I will be asking a blind date to wed.
Um, yeah, I think I'm going to wait and make sure she is a girl first:.

Even if I am just formally introduced to someone brand new, the first
question I'm asked (after my name) goes something like, "So, how's the
dating life, you have any prospects?" or "When can I expect an invitation
coming along in the mail, eh?" or "You look like a fine young man, how come
there isn't a nice young woman attached to your arm?" Oh, I don't know,
probably because I'm not ready to get married yet, and I'm not a Siamese
twin either!

It is even more ridiculous when I have been out on a date with a girl more
times than one, and I pull in at night after our second or third date, and
my buddies automatically assume I'm making plans for marriage and start
asking if she is the one and when she can be expecting some nice big rock on
her finger. Not at least until I find out what her last name is, for gosh
sakes! Can't you see I didn't go to Jared?!

And that's just the beginning of the entourage of irritation and persecution
that I and many other unwed single adults are going through in this day and
age. I can't imagine what guys who are older than me are dealing with. I'm
only 23 and am almost halfway pushed to be jumping off the Udvar-Hazy
building. I have a single cousin who is pushing 30, and it boggles the mind
to think he has lasted this long with all the bullying and discrimination
pressuring him from all angles.

Why can't people ask us different questions dealing with our lives? Why does
every single stupid non-important conversation with anyone have to start out
with something about marriage? Why can't they ask us questions like, "How's
school going down south?" or "What are your plans for the summer?" or "What
type of doughnut would you say is your favorite?" Anything besides the
infuriating inquiry about our unmarried existence is better.

It's not that I absolutely hate marriage and am gong to start a strike
against married couples. I'm sure marriage is an overall wonderful thing to
be a part of and is something everybody should probably have the opportunity
to enjoy at least once in their lives. It's just that with a divorce rate
above 50 percent in the country, I would like to take longer than 10 minutes
to decide who my lifetime companion is going to be.

I'm sure the first question that I am going to be asked from anybody after
this paper comes out is when I am going to throw away my bachelor life and
settle down with a nice, sweet young woman. It's not going to make a
difference if I keep trying to put up a fight against marriage. I'll
probably already be engaged by the time you get done reading this.

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