Unlike simple trivia questions, the majority of opinion is not something you should rely on for answers when it comes to lifestyle choices. Yes, listen to the "answers" out there to be informed but then let your inner compass guide you. It could take a few months or even years to soak it all up. But then just cut off the exposure and take that same amount of time to come up with your own conclusions, gaining experience, and processing the feedback through what makes you tick as a person.

Many areas of life can benefit from this but for the purpose of discussion in this article let's focus on some common dating concerns:

1. What's the best way to meet a woman?

2. Are women really the "choosers"?

3. How long to wait before calling her?

4. How long to wait before getting physical?

5. What do I do if she says this, or does that?

Before I discuss my responses to these questions I first want to touch on the importance of looking to history and nature for answers. Thorough reading on the patriarchies throughout history, primate behaviour, as well as personal experiences, helped me to flesh out the truth. I know that further refinement is going to happen but at least I know, through research and deep introspection, that I am on the right track.

Now let's look at what I came up with:

1. Confidence and boldness is the best way to meet women. Curiosity about her and noticing something about her besides her looks, is the best way to approach her one-on-one. It's also the most calming as you're coming from a sincere place.

2. Women appear to be the "choosers" because men, for the most part, are programmed to be passive and are relucant to make aggressive moves, putting more onus on women to be the initiators. But in reality, dominant male behavior does not rely on "permission". Rather, being dominant can trigger cues of interest from a woman the same way it can opportunistically "cash in" on those cues if you happen to notice them. But the latter is not something you have to rely on. For instance, there is no, "She chose me so I can now approach, be confident, and be dominant". So, in this case, "choosers" is not the best word, and should probably be replaced with: receptive to whoever steps up to the plate.

3. Waiting and calling is such a debated topic because it is generally a bad thing to do, especially after a first date, and especially if there has been no intimacy yet. Males and females are not meant to have "interrupts" in their interactions. It's an artificial "pause" imposed on us which creates unnecessary stress. This leads me to number 4.

4. The delay between meetings and attaching a number to the amount of time that must pass before sex occurs, is also unnatural as attraction happens in the first few minutes and extending the time unnecessarily creates anxiety. And in the case of the dominance dynamic discussed in number 2, can destroy it.

5. This question is indicative of the problem men face with being labelled the pursuer. And not only the pursuer, but also the manager of emotions, mood swings, and other randoms. It is unnatural to even attempt to micro-manage others' actions as men and women are equally intelligent and one taking responsibilty for the other leads to putting them on a pedestal.

Everyone will have different answers to the above questions, but these answers serve me well as they conform to my natural personality. In some cases, trying to reconcile things by striking more of a balance, "equality" in other words, lead to inner voice problems, forcing me to abandon the idea. This led me to adopt certain more extreme, but healthier views, all consistent with history and clues in nature.

Copyright © 2007 Vittorio Norman

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