Life Coaching for the Second Wife

Being a second wife can at times be frustrating, as in a number of instances, the first wife cannot let go of her ex-husband, and tries to push her way into the second marriage.

Sometimes the second wife feels that she is competing with the first wife, which has been labelled as ’The Rebecca Syndrome’ (taken from the Daphne Du Maurier novel). Also, in-laws may remain loyal to the first wife, and kids may find it tough adjusting to their father’s new wife.

Being there for your partner/husband can at times take its toll on you, so, when life throws us a challenge, we have three choices:

Dive for cover and look for a scapegoat
Become the scapegoat
Respond creatively

The first two choices would be the choices of a victim, which links to a feeling of low self-esteem or low self-worth. Try not to let yourselves lose out, miss out, or get treated like a doormat. Ask yourself, ‘Where is my self-respect?’, ‘What do I deserve?’, ‘Am I a person with integrity?’ ‘How can I stand up for myself?’ ‘Am I taking responsibility for my life?’

Responding creatively is the choice of someone who knows they have the power to make positive changes. Lynda Field, in her book 'Be Yourself' recommends the following ways to keep your power.

10 ways to keep your power

1. Decide to take charge of your life
2. Know that your heart is strong; you will survive your emotional peaks and troughs.
3. Believe in your own power (never give it away)
4. Do what you have to do to get your life in order.
5. Let your creative energy guide you (you know what to do and how to do it)
6. Tell the truth (to others and to yourself)
7. Get your head out of the sand and look things in the eye.
8. Trust your intuition and your heart; never betray your deepest feelings
9. Be ready to follow things through (let your inspirations become your reality)
10. Never hook into guilt and blame (visualise them floating away in a bubble of light)

Reclaim your life, and put yourselves back in the driving seat. Think how it would feel to take back control. Imagine a gush of air sweeping over your life, blowing away the anxiety and worry, allowing you to take stock and get back to creating the kind of life you want to live.

Focus on what's really important to you, asking yourself what you're grateful for is a starting point to finding out what's important to you. Emphasising the positive things in your life is a powerful way of strengthening yourself.

Find ways to feel more gorgeous, and if you haven't been caring for yourself, start to do so. Book yourself a hair appointment, have a manicure, a facial, treat yourself to some new make-up or clothes.

Do you need to laugh more, play more, lighten up? Get fit, exercise more, sleep more, give up smoking, lose weight, change jobs, do things to reduce your stress levels?

So don't wait until next year to work on YOUR life. How long since you stopped and thought about how your life is going? Are you happy? Are you angry? How do YOU feel? Is your life balanced? Choose to value, accept and cherish yourself, and hopefully, your life will be more manageable.

Despite all the hurdles second wives face, second marriages can prevail. If you and your partner/husband are soulmates, then a small matter such as a pesky ex-wife will not tear you apart - so stay strong, and take control of your life.

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