If you are dating someone new, or thinking about dating after a divorce, try hard to avoid jumping blindly into a relationship. Use your head.

While most of us like to think romantically, we must be careful about falling in love with the wrong person. Before we fall too far, it's a good idea to ask: Is this the right person to give my love to?
If you're twentysomething, maybe a few years lost on a romance doesn't matter. If you aren't that young, wasting years or months in a wrong relationship can seriously affect the rest of your life.
Consider a nurse we'll call Juanita. She spent 15 years in a shaky relationship. At 45, she's back to square one.
"I spent 14 years dating Mr. Wrong. Then, last year, we got married," says Juanita. "Now, I have a divorce pending, no children, and I'm worried about my future."

Logical tips
Here are some tips for using your logic in assessing a new love relationship:
• Ask yourself: What type of friends does this person have? It's true that we certainly can judge people by the company they keep. If their friends are upstanding citizens of the community, it's likely your new love interest will be as well.
• Find out how this person spends his or her time. A person's daily agenda will reveal more about his or her mental health than almost anything. For example, if your love interest volunteers to help senior citizens or serves on important committees to change quality of life for others, this is a very good sign.
• Assess the habits of this person. If he or she routinely lies in bed until noon, works randomly, and spends lots of time griping on the phone with friends, this isn't a mentally healthy person.
• Does this person have self-respect? This means your new dating partner dresses appropriately, practices a healthy lifestyle, and works to gain the respect of others in the community.
"I dated a man who was really a lone wolf," says Peggy, a dental hygienist we know. "I couldn't get a grip on who he was since he had no friends or family. Turns out, he was wanted by the FBI."
Most of us reveal our true character when we are in groups. We might talk a lot, not talk at all, or engage others in a joke-telling fest. If your dating partner doesn't care for any kind of social life, watch out. Normal people do need to socialize.

Troubled people often pull away from others. They want to find a dating partner who will fill all of their needs. Then, the relationship can turn very possessive.
While your dating partner could simply be shy or feeling a little depressed, make sure that he or she is open to really building relationships with other couples or friends. None of us can grow emotionally without fitting into some kind of social circle.

"I definitely noticed that my new love interest hated going out," says a woman we'll call Janine. "He acted weird, and I chalked this up to his working 65 hours a week. After six months of staying home with him and eating dinner in front of the TV after sex, I found out he is married!"
By asking, "Is this person worthy of receiving love from me?" we are setting a standard for continuing a relationship. We have to ask if they deserve the pleasure of our company.

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