WARNING!!!

A fully functioning Moron Detector exists. It's called the internet. Every ill advised deed you allowed to be photographed will some day be displayed on a public web site. Lately several law breakers have had their sentences increased when pictures of the scofflaws, mocking the judicial system came to light.

This proper operation of this Moron Detector requires neither your knowledge nor consistent. Your complicity is required however. After all, if you don't do something stupid, you can't be caught doing something stupid.

The problem reported with the early prototypes of the Moron Detector were due to the fact that some numb nut insisted on turning on the Moron Detector within the incorparted limits of the District of Columbia. No sooner did the researchers get the dial to point away from Congress (a tow truck and a 12 ton electromagnet were handy in this venture) when the Moron Detector Flew bodily in the general direction of the White House. Once the device was removed from the general environs of Washington DC it was easy to detect

A. The guy growing marijuana in his living room who called the police because someone was stealing his pot,

B. The arch criminal who thought that the Santa Claus down the chimney thing would be a really cool way to rob people, popped up like magic.

Moron detection devices have a long and storied history. Among the first prototypes was a self identification device called the automobile horn. Thousands of morons throughout automotive history have attempted to use the car horn as a site to site matter transporter which they believed would enable them to pass through solid objects like slower vehicles by pressing repeatedly on the device.

A relatively recent entry in the moron detector sweepstakes doubles as a fashion crime. It is particularly favored by young men. At it's most basic it involves walking around with your pants at half mast. The maneuver does require some manual dexterity as well as eye to hand coordination since the wearer has to walk around with one hand holding up his pants while the other is turning up his ipod to deafening levels. Impracticality and immodesty aside, one of the principle reasons why this mode of dress is an indicator of stupidity is its origin. In the prisons of America, droopy drawers are a universe indicator of the wearer's willingness to, as the pirates say: "Surrender the booty." You might want to think twice about adopting a form of communication favored by men who haven't seen a woman in years. Besides, the rest of us don't want to be privy to your skivvies.

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