You’ve seen them in restaurants – those older couples who eat slowly and quietly without looking or speaking to each other. In your newlywed years, you and your husband gaze at each other knowingly, and promise never to become like that yourselves.

Then …

You have kids. The two of you barely have time to speak to each other, and when you do, you talk about – what else? – the kids!

The only thing standing between you and the couple in the restaurant is time. Right now is the perfect moment to make a decision to place the relationship between you and your husband at the top of the priority list.

How do you do this? The first step is to firmly make that decision that being a couple is the focus of your marriage. This is a lot easier said than done, as children, no matter what their ages, are time-consuming and all-encompassing little creatures.

Don’t be deterred. Once you’ve made the decision, you must back it up with action. Fortunately, the action doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complex. It’s as simple as remembering how it was to be a couple without kids.

Remember things like cooking your husband’s favorite meal. Cook it regularly, and if the kids don’t like it, make them something else. Or even better, feed the children early, and have a romantic dinner for two later (and don’t forget to light those candles!). Not only will your husband appreciate your thoughtfulness, the time will give you two a chance to talk and reestablish your connection.

If your budget allows for it, hire a babysitter on a regular basis and go out. Getting away from the home, children and responsibilities makes it possible for you and your husband to relax and enjoy each other’s company without fear of interruptions or feeling the pressure of your obligations. You can have dinner (or lunch), see a movie or just go for coffee. What you do and the time of day you do it isn’t as important as actually making the time to do something just for the two of you.

Sharing daily household chores is another good way to keep the couple as the center of the family. Your husband can fill dishwasher while you clean the kitchen and put away the food. Or he can clean the kitchen while you make the next day’s lunches. This gives you time to chat, catch up with each other, and stay in touch with what’s on your partner’s mind.

Even cleaning out the garage or attic together is a good way to both stay connected and share the overall workload so that neither of you feel overburdened and underappreciated. Those negative feelings work against any relationship, so sharing chores ensures that this won’t happen to you. Together activities will reinforce your bond as a couple.

What about having that first cup coffee together before the children get up? If you’re feeling adventurous, take your morning shower together! Most often couple time comes at the end of the day when you’re both too tired to fully appreciate it – just about the time you’d rather fall into the deepest sleep possible. Making time for each other at the start of the day, however, means you’re giving each other a portion of what is likely to be the best part of your day. And couple time should always be the best part of your and your partner’s day.

Copyright 2006 Karen Fusco

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